Happy Cinco De Mayo..another excuse to drink!


Cinco De Mayo is observed in the U.S. by taking our closest friends to our nearest bars, and getting so drunk that we forget our social security numbers. And I just wanna say how I am amazed at America’s ability to take holiday’s and events and turn them into drinking extravaganzas. Don’t believe me? How bout some examples to back my point?

Holidays and events which involve a significant amount of drinking:

St. Patrick’s Day aka let’s throw some food coloring into our Bud Light, and pretend we’re celebrating something as we wear green t-shirts, and flash strangers for beads.

New Years Eve Let’s be honest, New Years Eve should be called “We have to drink ourselves into oblivion to forget how bad this year was” 

Thanksgiving Eve Not all people are aware of this fact, but the eve before Thanksgiving is actually one of the biggest drinking days of the year. Why? Well, it’s always on a weekday, and people have off the next day for Thanksgiving. That mean’s you can get schwasted, and sleep off your hangover the next day while the head female in your household kills a turkey.

Super Bowl Sunday Food+beer= Football Sunday. Nuff’ said.

The Fourth of July  Celebrating America’s Independence? Yeah, that’s pretty cool. Watching fireworks with my FWB as I fade in and out as a result of too many red, white, and blue jello shots? And free hamburgers all day?  SOLD!

Halloween: What’s better than getting wasted, and partying like it’s 1999? Dressing up like a sexy pirate, or ALF while you do it, of coarse!

Cinco De Mayo I’m actually in favor of this holiday because it’s the only time Coronas are on special. God Bless Mexico.

Christmas I went to a Christmas party, and I have no idea how I got home. I also drank four bottles of champagne by myself on the actual day of Christmas. Nothing sends me into a fit of alcoholism like spending money, and spending extended time with my family members. Holidays equal stress. Alcohol relieves stress. The End.

That leaves us with Easter, and President’s Day, Memorial Day, and Labor Day.

Well, we already that on Memorial Day we get drunk, and go swimming to celebrate the summer. On labor day we get drunk, and mourn our loss of summer.

This year Obama’s Inauguration was turned into a keg party complete with celebrity performances.

And I think if we give the Easter Bunny a bottle of Schnapps’s we can complete the circle of excuses to drink.


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